When you are offered tea, you are supposed to refuse at least three times before accepting. I learned about this custom the hard way. I am a third generation Japanese American and have lived in Los Angeles most of my life. When this Japanese woman and her husband stopped by, I offered them tea and the woman said, “No, we have to run other errands.” They did not seem to be in much of a hurry to leave so I offered tea again, as I was thirsty myself. She again said, “No, it’s okay.” They finally left but we each felt something was amiss. They didn’t get their tea and I later learned that you offer tea three times, they say no, and you pour them tea after the fourth invitation. How was I supposed to know that?!
I spoke with my friend in Kyoto who confirmed this etiquette. She said that if you are visiting a close friend, you would accept tea when asked, but if you don’t know the person well, you would refuse three times. In Japan, a homogenous society, mothers teach their children manners. Everyone is on the same page, so the couple was offended by my lack of hospitality.
Exchanging gifts is a way of life in Japan and they’ve been doing it for centuries. Evidence the many shops at tourist destinations and the department stores; there are even stores that specialize in gift wrapping. When I was putting together a box to send to my relatives in Japan, I had consulted several acquaintances and one item, lipstick, appealed to me because it would be easy to pack and didn’t weigh much. My relatives had sent me a photo of a special birthday celebration at a spa resort and the men and women were in yukatas and all the women wore lipstick. I asked a salesclerk at a beauty supply store if she knew what colors the Japanese like and she said that they like bright colors. I think I packed about 15 tubes of lipstick in reds, plum, and rouge, some kitchen towels, cookies, and chocolate candy in the box. When I met them in Japan, I realized they must have had a good laugh because no one was wearing lipstick! I did not choose an age appropriate gift as we are all in our late sixties and lipstick is probably used only for special occasions.
Someone recently suggested quality kitchen gadgets such as can openers and peelers. Practical items that are not easy to find in Japan seem to please them. Every summer, I send them American cherries, which are always a big hit. In the end, any thoughtful gift is appreciated. (Business gifts are a whole different category.)
Business cards (meishi めいし) are considered extensions of the person and are taken very seriously in Japan. If you are given a business card after the introductions and bowing, accept it with both hands or if inconvenient, with your right hand using your thumb and forefinger. Take time to read it as it will probably be a bilingual card. You may want to ask a question such as the pronunciation of the name. Place it on the table in front of you. Do not write on the card. When the meeting is over, do not put the card in your wallet and in your back pocket as this is interpreted as sitting on the person’s face! Instead, put it in your wallet or better yet, a business card case, and in a pocket above the waist. Your Japanese hosts will remember how you handle this ritual and will appreciate your understanding of a highly meaningful protocol.
Seating
The Japanese have a specific seating hierarchy worked out from samurai times when they sat on floor cushions. In a modern setting, the highest ranking person will be seated at the head of the table furthest away from the door. It is best to wait to be seated by the host rather than go to an empty seat. The internet is a great resource and there are plenty of books written on the subject of Japanese business etiquette.
Saying No
About 30 years ago, when I knew little about Japanese culture, I must have read an article about Japanese business practices and emphasis on team effort rather than individual contributions. The article said something about their reluctance to say no. I think I mentioned it as a fact, “The Japanese never say no,” to a couple of lawyers who stood near my desk, and they laughed. Since then I discovered that the Japanese are so eager to please, they really do try hard not to say no. At a business meeting, a boss may say “I’ll think about it,” and that probably means no.
An acquaintance might suggest meeting for lunch next week but you say, “It’s a pity, but I have an appointment on that day.” This could mean that you have an appointment, or you don’t want to meet him for lunch.
Ramen has enjoyed growing popularity in Japan since the early 1900s, and the invention of instant ramen by Momofuku Ando in 1958 gave it even more momentum. There are over 35,000 ramen restaurants in Japan and in order to survive, they have to offer exceptional broth usually flavored with salt, pork bone, soy sauce, or miso. The toppings can include egg, fish or meat, and vegetables. Different regions in Japan have their own specialties.
You may like the 1985 movie Tampopo (with English subtitles) to see how a widow enlists the help of a milk truck driver and his friend to transform her noodle restaurant to the best in town.
Koji sends me ramen occasionally. The broth is always delicious.
From July 24 through August 9, 2020, the Summer Olympics will be held in Tokyo, Japan, and Japan is already making plans to make the country more tourist friendly. One of their plans is to change all the stop signs in Japan from the triangle sign to the more common octagonal sign to help foreign drivers, but Americans may want to think twice before planning to rent a car. The Japanese drive on the left side of the road which is also common in India, Australia, England and former British colonies and a few other countries. Japanese roads are narrow and often congested. The availability of roadside parking is rare. Driving in rural and less populated areas may make travelling in a rental car easy, but in and around Tokyo a driver will be subjecting himself to enormous stress. Americans have been known to be issued tickets because when the speed limit on the expressway was posted as 80 km., Americans thought they could drive 80 mph. Eighty kilometers is approximately 50 miles.
Japan has the best train system in the world; trains are invariably on time and are clean and comfortable. Travel guides and agents will usually mention this fact when discussing transportation options to a tourist destination, and they usually recommend trains or the subway. Taxis are great if you are sharing the ride and the cost, and will travel a short distance, but the price of the ride is prohibitive for longer distances. As an example, a cab ride from the Kansai Airport to your hotel in Osaka could cost the equivalent of $140 compared to a train ride to a station in Osaka that would cost less than $10. In addition, when there is a toll charge for the use of the expressway, the passenger has to pay, not to mention suffering through traffic delays due to accidents and construction. Trains are definitely a better way to travel.
If at all possible, avoid the morning and evening rush hours in Tokyo. Those who have seen the videos and the professional people pushers wonder why they can’t add more trains. As my friend Koji explained, trains in Tokyo run every three minutes; in Osaka they may run every seven minutes. Adding more trains would jeopardize public safety. Areas outside of metropolitan Tokyo are less congested.
The good news is that by the time of the Tokyo Summer Olympics, Japan will be ready to welcome more than 20 million visitors and tourists will have researched all the aspects of travelling in Japan, including, perhaps, learning travelers’ Japanese.
In the United States in the 1980s, the NBC miniseries called Shōgun that ran for five nights between September 15 and September 19, 1980 was extremely popular and gave viewers a glimpse into the culture and history of feudal Japan in the 17th century. The series is credited with the increase in Japanese food establishments, especially sushi restaurants, in the United States.
Sushi is fresh raw fish, octopus, shrimp or other ingredients pressed onto shaped vinegared rice offered with soy sauce, wasabi and ginger. Sashimi is raw fish artfully presented with soy sauce and wasabi.
The downside to the global popularity of sushi is the diminished availability of ingredients due to overfishing. For an insight into the importance of sushi in Japanese cuisine as well as the story of the revered chef Jiro Ono, I recommend the 2011 US documentary, “Jiro Dreams of Sushi.”
Sashimi from a restaurant in Nishiki Market, KyotoFortunately, Taka Restaurant in San Diego serves wonderful sashimiNigiri sushi from Taka RestaurantTaka Restaurant served a wonderful dessert with fresh fruit and azuki beans
Many department stores use their basements as the food floor and you can imagine how convenient it is for workers to be able to pick up an entrée or side dishes to go with the dinner meal. Tourists too can pick up a reasonably priced meal to enjoy at the hotel. I picked up a bento box one day from the Takashimaya Department Store, located next to the Namba Station in Osaka. The food was extremely fresh. I purchased a salad from the conbini near my hotel to complete my meal.You will begin to notice that the Japanese love corn. They often use it as a garnish for salads and keep cans in their pantries, order corn chowder at restaurants, and I even noticed corn salad sushi that came around on the conveyor belt when I dined at a kaitensushi restaurant.
I purchased this chirashi box from one of the eateries at Namba Walk, an underground shopping mall located between Nippombashi and Namba subway stations.
If you’re a first time traveler to Japan, you might be glad to know that one of the most useful words in the Japanese language is sumimasen (すみません). It can mean excuse me, I’m sorry, or thank you. I heard it many times and I’ve said it myself when asking “Sumimasen, where is the train station?” My taxi driver drove me to my cruise ship and he asked the guard, “Sumimasen, where should I drop my passenger off?” When you want to get the attention of the waitress, you would start your conversation by saying sumimasen. When you accidentally bump into someone on the train or on the escalator, you would say sumimasen. If someone returns your umbrella that you left on the bus, you would say sumimasen. Go to Japan and you will hear it too!
When I planned my trip to Japan in 2012, I wanted to learn as much Japanese as I could before meeting my relatives for the first time. I signed up for a weekly Japanese language class at a senior community center where I met people with different levels of knowledge. I soon discovered that some of the students had been attending the class for seven years and had not made any progress toward fluency. Since I was in a hurry, I asked a favorite waitress at the local sushi restaurant if she could help me. She said she was from Okinawa and did not want me to learn her dialect, so she gave me contact information for her friend (I’ll call her Maiko) who grew up in Tokyo. Maiko showed me how to change the language settings on my computer to type in Japanese and helped me compose emails to my relatives. We even spoke with my relatives using Skype. It was a great experience.
When I returned from my trip, I signed up with tutors over the next two years. However, a weekly hour with a tutor was not helpful – and the cost – usually $35 to $40 an hour for a block of ten lessons was not working for me. Once the session ended, I went back to my English speaking world and did not reinforce what I had learned. Considering the math, I decided that the tutoring money was better spent booking flights to Japan whenever I could and immersing myself in the language and culture of Japan. Every trip brings chances for practicing the language, tasting delicious food, and experiencing memorable and joyous times with my relatives.
I purchased this chirashi box from one of the eateries at Namba Walk, an underground shopping mall located between Nippombashi and Namba subway stations.